Sunday June 25, 2017
Fear Not
Some years ago I noticed that I had a pain in my shoulder. I went to our doctor. She said that it might be a sprain and advised me to rest. She gave me some aspirins for the pain. As it continued to progress I went to a "hilot," a local healer. He said that there was wind in my shoulder and that he would massage it out. I went through a very painful massage but the pain remained. I did not get the feeling that either of them really knew what was wrong and I followed their instructions with a lack of enthusiasm. Eventually, I went to an orthopedic doctor who told me that I had a frozen shoulder. He explained what that meant, gave me some exercises to do and told me that it would take a few months to cure my shoulder. I sensed right away that he knew what was wrong and set out confidently on the course of treatment he mapped out.
My search for a cure for my shoulder resembles my search for a meaningful prayer form. For almost twenty years, since I first became aware of prayer as a personal response rather than as a duty, I have been searching for a better form of prayer. It was when I was led to the teachings of Fr. John Main, OSB, that I experienced the same kind of confidence that I got from the orthopedic surgeon. Here was a way of prayer that made sense and that would lead to great freedom and fullness of life.
Jesus said, "I have come that you may have life and have it to the full." Prayer should bring us to fullness of life, a fullness of joy within that pours itself out in love and compassion for those around us. Yet my experience was of so many people who lived in fear, even people who prayed a lot. For many their praying was a sign of their fear because they prayed out of a sense of obligation. I experienced many people who spent hours at their prayers and who were themselves very unhappy people and brought tension and unhappiness to all around them. I was aware too of my own fears and unfreedoms that continued in spite of my prayers.
This led me to ask the question. "What is the root of sin, of unhappiness, of alienation, of evil in our world?" I had often heard that it was sin or greed or lust or the desire for power. Now I think that insecurity is the root which drives people into grasping, showing off, lies, domination of others, anger, flying off the handle, panic, compulsive behavior, drugs, drink and the misuse of sex.
We live in a world in which great things are happening but these things can also be frightening. As the wonders and magnitude of the world are discovered, we may wonder if we and our little patch of earth are of any importance at all. As we experience the death of a loved one we may wonder, is death the end of all? Is all this talk about resurrection and an after life just a con game? We may have been considered tops in our profession and may now find ourselves suddenly practically illiterate in a computer generation. The tendency, when we are afraid, is to fight or take flight. Many people take flight into fundamentalism. They take a little bit of the truth and make it into the whole truth. Then they lock themselves into that limited perspective; for example, "the Bible is the only source of truth" and they have to defend their position. In defending their position they find themselves condemning everyone else's position.
Fear can be very alienating. A married person suddenly becomes aware that his or her relationship with spouse or children has slipped away. A religious or priest may realize that there is no longer a relationship with the Lord at the core of his or her being and that relationships with others have become purely functional. This coming to awareness can cause panic and a frenzied doubling of effort to succeed in work or some other activities. We try to reassure our egos by achievement and success.
Unfortunately, our traditional forms of prayer are not helpful in dealing with fear. In fact, they are often the product of fear itself or even foster the causes of fear within us. Many people pray because it is an obligation and they are afraid that they will be punished if they do not fulfill it. Then people pray asking God to give them success, promotion, health, power, possessions. All of these are requests to boost the ego and are ultimately seeking security in the wrong place. They are seeking happiness through asking God to deliver us from the suffering that is the normal burden of life, and when he does not do so we become more frustrated and more fearful.
The way of the Gospel is very different. In today's reading Jesus tells the twelve: "Do not be afraid!" Fear is constantly being confronted in the pages of the New Testament. The very first dialogue we hear is the angel saying to Mary: "Do not be afraid, Mary. You have found grace with God." In these words we have the diagnosis and the prescription. Fear is the problem and the awareness that we are loved by God is the antidote for it.
Prayers in which we tell God what he should do are, in a sense, acts of distrust in God. Prayer, which presents our need to God in silence, in absolute trust that he will do what is best for us, is liberating prayer. In meditation we bring no words or plans or desires. We just be before reality, knowing that God is the center of that reality and is ever caring and loving. Being in silence is deep and healing listening. If we listen we will cease to be afraid, just as we will cease to listen if we are afraid. When we are still at our own centers, in meditation, we find them places where we can be without fear and this freedom from fear will open us up to a new and free way of relating to God and to others.
